The Ultimate Fashion Faux Pas ...
chic is always chic ... except when it's paired with the wrong accessories.
Benjamin Kissell
Some colors are the ultimate in complimentary [and I don’t mean they blow smoke up your arse]. They are your best friends and finest allies in helping to make yourself feel and look better.
They can flatter your skin-tone: turning your pale Edward Cullen palette into a fresh-from-the-tanning-salon-Snookie-esque glow. They are capable of making your eyes pop: accenting or contrasting that lovely earthy green in your eyes, turning them from matte-finish moss to glowing emeralds. They have cache; they carry weight and help you feel like you are perfectly garbed in [fashion] armor for battle – ready for any eventuality and feeling secure and attractive.
In days past people would look at their complexion, hair and eye color as indicators of which “color season” we were: for example, your snow white skin with coal black hair marked you as a ‘Winter’ [and possibly the Evil Queen’s next intended victim, or a villain in a C.S. Lewis novel or Hans Christian Anderson fairy tale].
Admittedly, this probably ages me as 1) the seasonal color delineation has gone the way of Vanilla Ice over the last 2 decades and 2) as a kid I would sit in as my Mum and Gran discussed which we fall into, eventually joining in as a 20-something [I consider myself a Winter, but am more likely a late Fall … an Autumnal Winter Cusp?]. Shallow? Possibly. Vain? Probably. But entertaining nonetheless.
Some things never came into fashion ... I mean, I love me a sweater, but belted sweaters?
And those hats? Who do those guys think they are - Carly Simon?
Fashionable color trends come and go; in the 80’s neon was king, in the early 90’s Grunge held sway with earth-tone plaids, the mid and late 90’s saw the bubble burst with the pastel palette and stark bold basics holding sway. The 2000’s? Well, I’d make some pithy comment about colors and styles in the millennial era, but to be honest most of my wardrobe hasn’t really evolved from the large selections of black t-shirts – black by itself, black with logos, black with iron-ons, black with, black, etc etc [sweet lord do I buy a lot of black tees] – with the varying over-shirts and a plethora of jeans I started wearing at 18. You’d think I were Neil Gaiman or something with all the black I buy.
You’d also think I would evolve past my ‘look’ at 22 … and yet, here we are.
I admit, I’m not the arbiter on all things hip and trendy. There is a difference between fashion and style: some of us have it … and [must not name names and point fingers] some of us don’t.
However, that being said, there is something that we can probably all agree on as a complete fashion faux pas. A color that flatters nobody: highlighting only the worst features and drawing attention to the biggest flaws …
Stupidity.
Stupidity is a color which looks good on absolutely no one.
You have a slightly offset eye? Stupidity only draws attention to it and when we see that, Margaret Cho-esque lines will come tumbling out of our mouths [“Gurrl, you should get a monacle – it’d be so coot!] You have a hyper-fake-hideously-orange-fake-spray-can-fake tan? Well, no one’s perfect. But stupidity draws our eyes to it and our sharp tongues to comment quicker about it than a Kardashian divorce.
Simply put; stupidity is that fashion accessory few can afford, yet too many seem to have in abundance.
Stupidity, despite the glaring evidence to the contrary, is gauche and tackier to match with than plaid gauchos [PLAID GAUCHOS!]. It truly is the ultimate fashion faux pas. It’s been remarked [by my mother. Repeatedly] that stupidity seems to be the only color some people seem to recognize or pair with across the fashion spectrum.
……………
Of course, bitchy will always be in style.
To quote my friend, Misty Barfly, “Bitchy, unlike stupidity goes with every outfit. It was Versace’s and Chanel’s biggest inspiration. It’s like the little black cocktail dress” always in fashion and forever desirable.
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